did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I can tuck mytits in my pants
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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