I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
