you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You ruined the universe
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
