just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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