i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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