You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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