Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
