Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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