I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
