How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i think my cat just said my name.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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