Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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