I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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