Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
