i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
