she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
