There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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