If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
