I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize