somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
