Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
