How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
