the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
