i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
