I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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