wakey wakey hands off snakey
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
