So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
