$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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