I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i now understand why vodka
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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