I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
