I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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