That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
