also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
