Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
