JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
