are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
