my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
