I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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