Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
