Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
sick fucks of a feather flock together
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
