Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
