I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
