Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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