You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
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