I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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