wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
