I don't think brook has ever known best
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
