What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
