If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
