I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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