dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
