I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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