it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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