Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
