I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
