Having a random hookup so left but love u
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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