Got a toothbrush?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
