pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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