We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
