I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
