Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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