I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
