wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
