My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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