I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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