Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize