The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
