So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
