My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
