i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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