I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize