just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
