You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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