Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize