Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
