its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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