A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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