It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
