why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
