I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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