glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
