So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
