Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
