she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
