we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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