Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
