Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize