Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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