well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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