our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
God, I missed his penis.
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