I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
