I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
