i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
