I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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