sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
