I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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