Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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