Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
