I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
