can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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