Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
