I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
