No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
