ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
