I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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