Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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