u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
