Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
